Oh Boy.... (Part I)

...what a weekend.

Several things happened last weekend, and all of them involved some... funny, interactions we me and boys. Well, some interactions were funnier than others and some have turned out to be downright creepy. It all started on Friday night....

As I mentioned before, in a very roundabout way not everyone understood, I'm a member of a dance group on campus called G-Splash. They have 5 genres, hip hop, girl's hip hop, pop and lock, house and break dancing. We have a performance on June 7, and all of the first years, along with all of the members, are performing. As first years we could only choose from two genres to perform, hip hop or p&l. I chose hip-hop mostly because it's something I've always wanted to do and have found interesting, but also because it's something I don't think I'm good at naturally. I think it's good to have to work hard for something every once in a while; if not you just get lazy and cocky. And boy am I working hard, we had a practice the other day where I sweated straight through the shirt I was wearing. Straight through it, the thing was soaking wet at the end of that 3-hour practice.

But even though I was spending a lot of time with this group, I wasn't really making friends with the Japanese ichinensei/first years. As a result I didn't feel wholly part of the group. This all changed on Friday when some of the first years organized a nomikai.

I'm not sure if I've explained this before, but nomikais are basically drinking parties. The drinking culture is very big here as it allows people to say and do things they don't normally get to say or do because of the very strict cultural codes. In Japan, you don't want to stick out. You want to be a part of the group. In earlier decades, teachers used to punish unruly children by excluding them from the group either physically or indirectly. There's a Japanese saying that sums all this up: "If a nail stands up, it's nailed down." But when people drink, they're allowed to be rude, to stand out and to say and do what's on their minds without thinking of others. This doesn't mean what they're saying or doing is negative, it just means that they're thinking of themselves first instead of the group.

So I didn't quite know what to expect from everyone. I did hope that it would be fun and that I would get to meet a lot of people. Both of those hopes were realized. I had a really great time. It was such a fantastic night and I wish I could travel back in time and relive it second by second. We arrived at this izakaya in Shinjuku and were seated at two large tables. Very delicious food items were brought out and they brought drinks by the pitcher for each table. At first most people were sticking to their small groups formed and strengthened from long nights of practice. But as the drinks flowed and cups emptied out we all began to move from table to table mingling with the other members. I made a lot of new friends and had some great discussions, including one about honne and tatemae, which led to a very interesting moment.

Tatemae can be translated as a facade. It's basically, the face Japanese show the public. It has nothing to do with what they're feeling or thinking and is often a smile or a generic positive expression. Because of tatemae it's really hard to tell when someone doesn't like you. I was talking about this with two guys, the topic brought up when they asked me what the difference was between Japanese and Americans.

Me: Americans show whatever they're feeling on their face. If someone doesn't like you, know it. With Japanese, if someone doesn't like me, I have no idea.

Guy 1: Which one do you like more?

Me: Definitely the American way because then I don't waste time working on a relationship that's not going anywhere. And I don't bother people who don't want me around anyway.

Guy 2: (He reaches for my hand. I think he's going to shake it and he does — at first) I like the way you think.

"I like you," he says kissing the top of my hand.

I honestly didn't know what to say or do. So I just laughed. I'm not sure that was the best reaction, but it was the only one I had available at the time. There was then another awkward moment later on when they were talking about how pretty I was. And then Guy 2 says something to the effect of how he doesn't really like his face or body, I can't remember exactly. But my oh so classy and witty response was, "Pshaw, you're fine."

Nice, Jeannette. Good job.

Regardless of those two funny moments, or maybe because of them, it was a great and memorable night.




But with this as the start of my weekend, I knew it could only get better and crazier. And boy did it ever.